Saturday, July 15, 2006

POEM SWAP

Here's the same poem with a new title (still not sure about it) and a few tweaks based on responses I got from my Friday Poem Swap group. Each Friday on a rotation, one of us e-mails a poem and in the next week we all respond to it with what was effective and then suggestions. We always seem to temper our responses with reminders that this is our own subjective perspective on a poem. I take these responses to heart because they are honest (yet kind) critiques. Nothing worse than a critique that is only trying to show one's own poetic prowess, or one that falsely praises.

forced relocation

can't keep grass down
pushes up
through seams
of concrete driveway
through cracks
of ever buckling
tectonic plates

can't hear conversation
above din
of night insect
and creature protest
throbs in wall
of trees encircling mall
pressing in

can't help but wonder
when we will be shaken
off her back
cement scabs
and all

-j.b.

I am always open to anyone's responses to my poems on this blog that our offered up with honesty and kindness (two attributes this world is short on).

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

forced relocation

can't keep grass down
keeps pushing up
through cracks in
tectonic driveway
plates

can't hear conversation
above din of
night insects and
creature protests

this will end somehow,
can't keep peace like this

2:08 PM, July 17, 2006  
Blogger Pris said...

what a great idea! i have two poet friends who really know my voice and whom I call on when stuck in a poem. makes a big difference compared to some poetry boards where everybody says something to say something.

8:12 PM, July 22, 2006  
Blogger J.B. Rowell said...

Hi anon and Pris - I'm just back from a family reunion week and am EXHAUSTED.

Anon. - not sure how I feel about rewrites of other people's work in general - I'm much more receptive to responses (as in suggestions) - what worked for you - what didn't. Plus, a name would be good.

Pris - yes - it's much better when you receive help from others with your best interest in mind - I've heard plenty of poets who like to hear themselves talk! ;)

3:09 PM, July 23, 2006  

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