Wednesday, November 02, 2005

TWO VOICES

Now I hear that the air inside of the house is more polluted than outside, so what’s the point in eating all organic, and hand-grinding baby food? A friend just bought an air purifier for each of her kids’ rooms; I’ll have to talk to Jason about that. Most of my friends can’t handle staying home full time, they crave adult interaction, but I’m OK with it. Besides, I have scrapbooking once a month, and the play group, and I do make it a point to go out with my girlfriends once in a while even though I’d rather just sleep. It’s not really a sacrifice to give my children their own mother. It’s definitely a choice though. I clip coupons, gladly take hand-me-downs, don’t get massages anymore, eat out less. It’s worth it. I’m OK. It’s full on now, no breaks, but then they’ll be gone. I don’t want to miss it, so I’m OK.

I stop just outside the front door to take a deep breath every morning. It’s not relief, really. I just need a moment after leaving them to make sure I have clothes on, matching shoes, and basically to remember who I am. Mornings are a whirlwind you know. Then it’s off to work where I forget about them entirely until their faces pop into my head, I know that sounds horrible, but the day is just so busy. Then I call to make sure Liz is feeding them the right snack this time, to see how the baby’s runny nose is, and to make sure they are on their way out for their walk. This is how it needs to be. If I stayed home I’d never have enough patience, I’d never be able to stick to my own schedule. Really, I’d just go crazy. And If I get out of my job now, I’d never be able to get back in. We'd never be able to live on one salary anyway. So, this is the way it needs to be, and when I get home at night, I always make it up to them.

2 Comments:

Blogger reniebob said...

Ah, the mommy wars..... love the line about giving them their own mother in the first voice and the one about not even thinking about the kids until their faces pop up in the second voice. Funny thing... and maybe because I work part-time... I don't wholly relate to either voice. Bits of me in both, though. Good stuff!

7:57 AM, November 02, 2005  
Blogger J.B. Rowell said...

Bits of me are in both too, and I was trying to make it less about a war, and more about how difficult it is to find the balance. I think society asks the impossible of the stay-at-home-mother, as well as the mother with the full-time job, and undervalues both.

5:32 PM, November 02, 2005  

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